I Am Exodus

May 18, 2018

School shooting.  Suicide.  Despair.  Grief.  There is no relief.  There is no beginning; no end.  Logic has no voice here.  Solutions refuse to redeem themselves in shiny reflections of hope and progress.  Existing is the only way to survive.  Living is intolerable to death.  

 

 

I Am!

BY JOHN CLARE

 

I am—yet what I am none cares or knows; 

My friends forsake me like a memory lost: 

I am the self-consumer of my woes— 

They rise and vanish in oblivious host, 

Like shadows in love’s frenzied stifled throes 

And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed 

 

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise, 

Into the living sea of waking dreams, 

Where there is neither sense of life or joys, 

But the vast shipwreck of my life’s esteems; 

Even the dearest that I loved the best 

Are strange—nay, rather, stranger than the rest. 

 

I long for scenes where man hath never trod 

A place where woman never smiled or wept 

There to abide with my Creator, God, 

And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept, 

Untroubling and untroubled where I lie 

The grass below—above the vaulted sky.

 

I Am (John Clare) by Jessica Lucci

 

I am here, but nobody wants to know the real me

My family rips my photos out of albums

I survive on my own pain

My myriad griefs are living entities which in turn feed on me

Like candles at a lovers' banquet

Still, in the morning, I devour the ashes

 

Towards anonymous whispers and gossip

Towards the breathing clouds of nightmares

Here there is no future or hope

Just fallen stars without wishes

Among the loves of my life

I cease to exist

 

Only in the wildest earth can I live

Bare of footprints or voices

Alone, with all who know me; no one

Daring to dream

As an ignorant animalistic soul

Oceans and skies encompass me

 

 

I Am 

BY NEIL DIAMOND

 

L.A.'s fine, the sun shines most the time

And the feeling is "lay back"

Palm trees grow and rents are low

But you know I keep thinkin' about

Making my way back

 

Well I'm New York City born and raised

But nowadays

I'm lost between two shores

L.A.'s fine, but it ain't home

New York's home

But it ain't mine no more

 

"I am"... I said

To no one there

And no one heard at all

Not even the chair

 

"I am"... I cried

"I am"... said I

And I am lost and I can't

Even say why

Leavin' me lonely still

 

Did you ever read about a frog

Who dreamed of bein' a king

And then became one

Well except for the names

And a few other changes

If you talk about me

The story is the same one

 

But I got an emptiness deep inside

And I've tried

But it won't let me go

And I'm not a man who likes to swear

But I never cared

For the sound of being alone

 

"I am"... I said

To no one there

And no one heard at all

Not even the chair

 

"I am"... I cried

"I am"... said I

And I am lost and I can't

Even say why

 

"I am"... I said

"I am"... I cried

"I am"

Songwriters: Neil Diamond

I Am ... I Said lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

 

I Am (Neil Diamond) by Jessica Lucci

 

City dwelling suits me

Existing without much worry

Yet I yearn for some other way of being

 

I don't belong here

I feel torn between

the peace of now

and the despair of what might have been

 

I am 

I tell myself

I exist

I tell no one

 

I am

I speak out loud

I hear words

I'm the only one

 

Cinderella

Well I'm not her

Prince Charming?

Not even close

But I feel like I've awoken

from some fairytale

and my dreams are watercolour castles

in a vast countryside

of unknown love

 

Asleep or awake

it's the same to me

Visions untrue

Wishes unfulfilled

I could float here always

If a ghost kept my spirit company

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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©2019 BY JESSICA LUCCI